Going Under
by ladyknightsaiyu
Summary: This story focuses on each of the Hokage in turn and how their lives have changed since the UBS III. Starting with Mikagami Tokiya, his life and loves. Then, how do they react to the UBS IV? Hosted by someone new, someone more powerful than before.
1. Default Chapter

Going Under A Recca no Honoo Fanfiction By Ladyknightsaiyu  
  
I don't want your hand this time  
  
I'll save myself

Maybe I'll wake up for once. Not tormented, daily defeated by you. Just when I thought I reached the bottom

I'm dying again.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
/The blood, The helplessness. Clink/  
  
Mikagami Tokiya woke up, panting heavily, adrenaline coursing through his body. Cold sweat had plastered his tank top to his back.  
  
/"Mifuyu!!! To-tokiya!!/  
  
Tokiya sat up, shuddering as the aftermath of the nightmare washed over him. Soon, it settled into the back of his mind, waiting, ready for another night, another dream. Oblivious to the loud crashing and cries of an woman in pain coming from one of the apartments to his left, Tokiya reached out a pale hand and tapped the radio button.  
  
I'm going under... Drowning in you

I'm falling forever, I've got to break through

I'm going under.  
  
Tokiya leaned his head against the wall. His matted, silver hair fell limply across his shoulders. More crashes and screams followed the chorus. Tokiya turned up the music, shutting out the world, concentrating on the lyrics.  
  
Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies

So I don't what's real and what's not

Always confusing the thoughts in my head

So I can't trust myself anymore

I'm dying again.  
  
"Turn down the music, punk!" a man's voice echoed from his right. Tokiya turned the music even louder. Amy Lee's soprano voice etched the words into his mind.  
  
I won't be broken again

I've got to break

I can't keep Going under.

I'm dying again.  
  
As the song ended, Tokiya switched the radio to 'off' and pushed the covers off his knees. His apartment was a mess. A rickety wooden dresser was piled with all sorts of clothes. Spread in the corner of his room was a pile of CD's from black-cased rock bands to white and pastel-colored classical. A dirtied, cloudy window cast strange patterns around his room, illuminating only half, causing the other section of the apartment to be left in perpetual night. Mikagami made his way to the shower. The hot water pounded his back and washed off the layer of sweat on his body. A black bottle of shampoo tilted on the bathtub rim, on the verge of falling. He scooped it up and squirted shampoo into his hand, massaging it into his hair. Rinse. Repeat. Tokiya glanced around, slightly annoyed at the fact he couldn't find the conditioner. His artic blue eyes caught sight of a white flash. The conditioner bottle. After rinsing the conditioner out of his long hair made black by the water, he reached out and turned the knob on the shower far to the right. Frigid water poured over him. Mikagami did not flinch. Instead, he let the water clear his mind of the memory of the nightmare, still vaguely present in his mind's eye.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, he left his apartment and was walking along the east side of the building when a dot of red caught his eye. Mikagami turned on his heel. Patches of small red flowers had sprung up. A hint of memory. Mifuyu.  
  
"Tokiya, see this flower, here? It's called the 'Bleeding Heart.'"  
  
Tokiya's mind screamed, begging for some kind of distraction to erase the death of Mifuyu.

"I don't think its bleeding, Tokiya. See, its rejoicing?"

And he gave it to his mind. He stood, long legs stretching and walked over the flowers, inner self smiling at each satisfying crunch of petals.  
  
I'm dying again. I can't keep going under.  
  
TO THE READERS Hey. Yeah. This is Toki back with a new story. Originally I wrote this story in my beloved Notebook. Then the almighty, beloved Notebook disappeared into the land of all the things that I lose. sigh I don't know where it went. So, therefore, I am trying to rewrite the story based on my many rereadings of it. Hopefully, I can reconstruct a work that is almost as good as the original. Gomen for the absence of action in the first chapter. I wanted to show how degraded Mi-chan's life has gotten. Mainly, this story will be about him finding hope and the strength to go on. Pairings: Rai/Fuu Recc/Yan Kur/Neo Maybe some Ganko-Kaoru but I dunno.  
  
This will also focus a lot on the Mikagami-Yanagi relationship. No, not romantic relationship. I want to show how much he loves her as a sisterly- brotherly sort of love. I want to show the bonds between them and how she helps him restore his life. Maybe I am just ranting. But that is why I disapprove of Mi/Yan couplings. No NO NO NONONONONONO!!  
  
Its like me marrying my brother. Try, no!! Ungh/. Must go to the pool now. Maybe I will have Mi-chan go to the pool Ah, the bishiness.. I WANT A MICHAN WAAAAAA  
  
Toki Signing off


	2. Chapter 2

Tokiya arrived at school surprisingly very early. The long hallways were as quiet as a mausoleum and emptier than one. As Mikagami reached his classroom and reached out to open the door, he shivered for some unknown reason. Sure, he dreaded school but today, it seemed he dreaded it more. Why did he need it anyway? With a shrug and a "hmph", Tokiya turned on his heel and walked away from school.  
  
I'm falling forever.  
Going Under   
A Recca no Honoo Fanfiction   
By ladyknightsaiyu

Chapter 2  
  
Tokiya sunk into the warm bath and opened his book, The Basic Writings of Existentialism, but he couldn't seem to concentrate. With a sigh he set it down and concentrated on the water.  
  
Good, clean water.  
  
Unmarked, Unblemished. Pure and wholesome  
  
Images swirled in the water. A slender girl holding a baby boy in her arms...the same silver-haired girl frying bacon...touching, loving, making, breaking...dying... Mifuyu...her life leaving as quickly as her blood. The water turned dark red. Tokiya sprang out and hit his head on the sink, falling into darkness.  
  
**_/ "Tokiya..its time for a bath." Mifuyu called. "I DON'T WANNA!!!!" The child Mikagami cried. "I HATE YOU!!' He screamed. Mifuyu took a step back and began to disappear. "No..Mifuyu..I didn't mean it. PLEASE!!! COME BACK!!"/_**  
  
_Drowning in you   
__I'm falling forever.   
__I've got to break through._  
  
Tokiya woke with a start, his vision blurred with tears and sweat. He climbed back in the bath, regardless of the frigid temperature and finished washing.  
  
Later on, he grabbed his work-out clothes: a white tank top and black cargo pants. He changed into them and slipped sweat bands over his wrists. They slipped along the bony length of his forearm. Maybe Yanagi was right when she told him he wasn't eating enough. Mikagami didn't notice. He tied his running shoes and stepped out into the dusk. He ran along a road that was sheltered by a canopy of emerald leaves and smooth oak. Wildflowers grew in abundance all around him but he took no notice except to resent all the beauty as it reminded him of her. His whole being was consumed with thoughts of her, only Mifuyu. They would always be. At the three mile mark, Tokiya looked around and saw flashes of red amongst the yellow daffodils and purple violets. He skidded to a halt and, shaking from the adrenaline, bent over to examine the red.   
Bleeding Hearts.  
  
"Oh..Mifuyu...can't you leave me alone?" Mikagami remarked to the air. Only a very observant person with very good hearing could have caught the faint tremor in his voice, or the hint of sadness when he mentioned her name. Every time he bent to smell the flowers, they smelled like her, her own personal scent. Every time looked at the passing cars, each person had her face.  
  
_Blurring and Stirring the truth and the lies   
So I don't know what's real and what's not   
Always confusing the thoughts in my head   
So I can't trust myself anymore.  
_  
Tokiya sat in the bed of wild flowers and thought for a long time. For a moment his mind broke free of the visions...I'm living a nightmare...he thought. His silver hair fell over his face despite his desperate attempts to tame it into a ponytail. Did he have power over anything? His mind? Not even his life? No, She controlled that. Dusk grew into night and the only illumination he had was the occasional firefly that decided to light its rear and shine in his face. Mikagami was oblivious to this world. Yet again, he was somewhere else, in some living nightmare in his head, replaying Mifuyu's death.  
  
_Maybe I'll wake up for once.   
Not tormented, daily defeated by you.   
Just when I thought I reached the bottom,  
I'm dying again._  
  
He stood and bent over for a moment and plucked a red Heart. Her face flashed before his eyes. He balled his fist and the flower crumpled, releasing its fluids to run over his hand in clear tendrils. "Ah but it is bleeding Mifuyu."

* * *

Thank you to Di aka shukuchi (read her works!!) for being my pal and giving me the lowdown on Mikagami and whether certain things were in character. I get a little carried away. I've actually read this book..its real! YAY!  
  
TO THE READERS: 'Sides REVIEW, there are a coupla things I'd like to say. Personally, I don't like people who only read the romance fanfictions. There are other great works. And I am v. disappointed that I did not receive any reviews for the first chapter. I am working very hard to make this the best fanfic I have written in a while.  
  
This chapter mainly showed more of Mikagami's life and how dilapidated it has become (I'm falling forever..) The nightmares have him..will they ever leave? Will Mifuyu's spirit get her peace?  
  
Going Under is copyrighted to Evanescence aka Amy Lee. I don't own the song or the lyrics so thanks to her for letting me borrow them  
  
-Toki-


	3. Chapter 3

Going Under  
A Recca no Honoo  
Fanfiction by  
Ladyknightsaiyu  
  
Chapter 3: Cleaning  
  
I'm falling forever.  
  
Mikagami sat with his back to the window, eating a sundae. The window's murky light cast erratic shadows on his ice cream. Mikagami poked tentatively at the dark shell of chocolate that had hardened over his vanilla ice cream.  
  
Finally, he broke it and ate the sundae, savoring the taste of the bitter dark chocolate and the sweet vanilla. He soon finished and left the bowl on the table for some other day's Tokiya to clean up.  
  
A soft knock at his door brought his attention from the spider crawling on the wall. He opened the door and glared at the person standing in front of him.  
  
"Mikagami-san?" His face softened. It was only Yanagi.  
  
"Mif- Konichiwa Miss Sakoshita."  
  
"The other Hokage want you to join them while they train, Mikagami-san."  
  
"Are you going?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Tell those monkey's I will come and beat them." A twinkle sparkled in his glaciered eyes. /Perhaps there is hope for him/ Yanagi thought to herself.  
  
"May I come in?"  
  
Tokiya opened the door to his apartment as an answer to her request. Yanagi stifled a gasp. The stained sink was overflowed with dirty dishes. His bed looked as if he hadn't made it in months. Books, CD's and pens were scattered over the floor.  
  
"Mikagami-san?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Please, may I do your dishes?"  
  
Mikgami shrugged, impassively. He still hadn't figured Yanagi out. Was she one of those who would offer their consolation, then disappear into the faceless crowds? Or was she one of those annoying people who thought they could save him? Or did she care? Truly care?  
  
"Thank you." Yanagi bowed, pigtails flopping in front of her face. Yanagi made her way to the sink, sifting through dirty clothes and scattered paraphernalia. She moved quickly, washing the dishes and drying them. She put the shining dishes in the cupboards and wiped off the counters. Without asking she began to pick up his books and pens.  
  
"Mikagami-san?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Would you please go buy these things for me. Here is the money." She handed him a list with perfect handwriting.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Thank you." He walked out the door. Yanagi sighed as she looked around. How could she have overlooked his deterioration into constant nightmare? She continued cleaning steadily, dusting, wiping, and organizing until she came upon an open book. Mikagami's messy scrawl covered the pages. She read:  
  
This I scream to the silent clouds All the pain and all the wealth This I cry to unhearing ears Will no one save me from myself?  
  
The dreams are starting yet again I can feel them inside of me They are taking over my life They are here can't you see?  
  
Yanagi turned the pages and read on and on. More poems and sometimes frantic please to "unhearing ears." One such entry scared her.  
  
I can feel the dreams in the back of my mind. I know her face will linger, I know her blood, I know the smell will stay. My body, my mind, the whole of me is consumed by her. I smell and it is her perfume that lingers in my nostrils. I touch and it is her skin I feel. I see her body, covered in blood everywhere I turn. Every person has her face, every girl has her smile. The dreams are coming again. I know I will not wake for a while. Hopefully when my sanity decides to visit again, I will not have done much damage.  
  
"Oh, Mikagami-san." Yanagi murmured.  
  
click The turn of the doorknob caused her to drop the book in fight. Regaining her composure, the one called "hime" picked up the rest of the books and began to make the bed while Mikagami came in to stare at her. He blinked, no emotion present in his face. The room was clean. Everything was picked up. He set the bag of items down in front of Mifuyu and bowed.  
  
"Nee-san? Could you make some bacon?"  
  
AFTERWARDS TO THE READERS:  
  
Hello, this is ladyknightsaiyu here back with another chapter. Yea. PLEASE REVIEW.I GOT 1 REVIEW and some of my other STINKY work got over 10 reviews PER CHAPTER. PLEASE!! I have worked hard on this fic.  
  
GRAR. 


	4. Chapter Sad

Hello, this is actually saiyu's friend shukuchi writing in to warn you that she won't be updating until her parents stop banning her from the computer. If you want more information, email me at , and I'll be glad to give you the whole angry rant but otherwise, be warned. 


End file.
